About Me

The Good, Bad, and All the Ugly  

 The Good: Life has a funny way of showing up. Growing up there was never a moment that I honestly thought I would get married. There is trauma in my story and I was fearful that no one would be able to handle it. I didn’t think about ‘forever’ nor did I ever have a vision of a wedding. No one knew about my trauma and I didn’t want anyone to know. That ruined a lot of relationships for me – friend or romantic. I didn’t want anyone to get too close. The fear of all of my mess kept me distant with everyone. But, then  I met my extraordinarily gorgeous and insanely smart spouse on a whim. Don’t get me wrong we had known of each other for several years, but hadn’t had an attraction to each other. Then, the whim happened and it completely changed my life. For once I was afraid of losing someone if I kept letting my past trauma be on the forefront. So, little by little my guard came down and I let her know about everything. Let me tell you it takes a strong person to see the hurt and experience the triggers with someone, but it takes the strongest to just be still and let their partner work through it. That is my wife. That is the good.   

The Bad: Yup, I said it – triggers. That is a tricky word because you either know what they are or you don’t. Do I know what my triggers are? No. Have I tried to navigate what they are? Yes, to no avail. If you have trauma you have triggers. That is an example of the bad. One of the first memories I have of being triggered is walking in a store with my buggy and coming to a standstill. I was uncomfortable and felt unsafe like there was something there that reminded me of a bad experience. I couldn’t define what it was: scent, décor, person, music, environment, etc. Nothing connected the dots to me. Please know that it is ok to not know what triggers you. It is also ok to know what triggers you and to stay away from that.   

The Ugly: There is a lot of ugly in my journey. A lot. I’ve used the word trauma up top, but I didn’t say what kind. I will talk about mental, sexual, spiritual, and everything in between. There will be memories told that might be hard to read or they might resonate with you. Please know that I am ok and you can be ok, too. I am not a therapist nor am I in the medical field at all. I will post links to help you connect with someone if any of these entries trigger you. The one thing I do believe, which is why this is posted last, is that the good outweighs the bad and ugly. My ugly is what brought me here. My bad is what keeps me grounded. My good is worth it.

Love,

Brittany